GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
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