i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
I think weed is turning my hair brown
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
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