I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize
