Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
