Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
So many bounce houses so little time
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
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