Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
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