Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
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