Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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