i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize