Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Randomize
