Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
