I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
Randomize
