Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Randomize
