You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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