i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
