It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Randomize