i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
