I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
