I seem to have left my pride at pride
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
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