Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize
