you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
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