Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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