Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
Did I show you my penis last night?
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
