Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
So much Jack, so little girl.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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