There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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