How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Randomize
