the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
