i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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