Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Randomize
