Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
