is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
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