Hey man sorry I got all grabby
Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
