I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
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