what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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