Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
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