I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
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