9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Randomize
