I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Randomize
