Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
Randomize