we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
