i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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