i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
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