My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
not ubering you a puppy
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Randomize
