So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
Randomize