I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Randomize
