No stitches, just platelets and will power
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
