I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
