I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Randomize
