after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
