it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
