I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
I think your dad took our porno
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Randomize
