the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
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