I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
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