He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
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