I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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