Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
where does the pee come out of this thing
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
Found the puke drawer
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
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