i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Randomize