sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
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