Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize
