I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
the condom got lost in my hair
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Randomize
