On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
