I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize