things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
I need to align my fucking chakras
I party with great urgency now.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Will exercising make me less horny?
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
