If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
