just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
