then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize
