i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
