He disabled his match.com account in front of me
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
