Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
I need a beard to bite.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
