The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
I'm passing your future prison.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Randomize
