Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Randomize