Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Randomize
