Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
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