Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Randomize
