Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
i drank out of a bidet.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
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