i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Randomize
