so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
We have started to decorate penises.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Randomize
