awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
It's shark week go big or go home
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Randomize
