So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Randomize
