thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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