I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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