just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Randomize
