i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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