i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
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