Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Randomize
