I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
