i was born a porn star she said
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
Randomize