the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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