She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
