now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Randomize
