I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
Randomize
