so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
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