For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
Randomize
