i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
Randomize
