it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
