you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
i now understand why vodka
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
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