cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
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