i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
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