I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
