now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize