I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Randomize
