i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
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