a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Randomize