some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
Randomize
