I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Randomize
