I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
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