I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
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