i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
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