OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Randomize
