My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
