Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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