he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Randomize