I'd wear matching sweaters with you
mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
I came so hard my ears popped.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
