dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
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