i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
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