i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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