he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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