I wish you could order shots online.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Randomize
